don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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