Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.

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(516): View more from New York

Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?

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(585): View more from New York

This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?

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(815): View more from Illinois

Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.

(815): View more from Illinois

Grandpa would have been proud

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(419): View more from Ohio

I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"

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(850): View more from Florida

I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.

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(432): View more from Texas

I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.

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