i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
