i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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