You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
