he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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