yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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