Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He kissed a someone with a penis
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
