It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize