a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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