Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
