The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
