Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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