we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just gargled with NyQuil
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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