Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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