i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
