The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
