I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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