totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
