belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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