She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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