Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
