I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
