found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
worst night to have a conscience
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
