i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
