Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
