Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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