I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize