Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
