I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
