did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Randomize
