He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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