I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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