you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
