im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I want a musical about memes.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
