I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
