Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize