So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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