And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
