you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
