not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
