if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
