Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
