there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
