Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
