It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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