Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
