that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
