this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
