she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
