I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
