you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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