don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
