at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
