Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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