If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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