So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
