Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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