I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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