Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
