dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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