No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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