I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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