I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
