No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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