So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
