i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
