Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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