Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
