so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
