I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
