Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
