Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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