How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize