.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
