if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I love having hate sex.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
