Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
