I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
