1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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