even my farts smell like vagina
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
