Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
