Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
