the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
