Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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