1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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