You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
