i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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