I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Small penises have feelings too.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
