Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
