Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
