I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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