No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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