I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
