It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
